Saturday, October 15, 2011

The Blue Notebook: Chapter Four and Five

Chapter Four

It seems like, nevermind that's not how I wanted to start this.  Why the hell do I lie?  To my friends, strangers, parents, classmates.  I am really concerned w/ what other people think of me.  I have been telling friends that a girl lied to me (funny eh?) and told me she was pregnant.  I even told Annie.  I know she loves me.  So therefore I have come to the conclusion that I am mental.
I don't understand why I do this.  I have lost so many friends over this, people still hate me for it.  It would make sense for me to lie if I had a reason, but this is ridiculous.  My biggest flaw is that it drives me up the wall when others (who shouldn't matter) think I'm not cool.  Seriously who gives a shit?  Me I guess.

I'm really not as great as I think, my well formulated opinions on world affairs just piss people off.  But I believe in them.  Suicide crosses my mind and awful lot these days.  I don't have the guts to do it though.  I hope I don't die soon, cause I'm a fucking hypocrite.

12:57 AM 5/17/05

Chapter Five

I really love meeting new people and then starting to hang out w/ them routinely.  They don't know about what I have been in my past.

12:21 AM 5/18/05 


Anonymous said...

So, I have been lurking around your site for a long, long time. Wishing you well and all that...sending you stuff when it felt appropriate. This post hit hard. Come to terms with why you lie. We all do it. Get to the meat. Why do we need love, attention and approval from anyone but ourselves...The other thing is: Where the hell did all your Blogger "friends" go? They were so there for you when you were the, drink this, smoke that, dude...what the hell? You are optimum. Meditate on that. Don't take away from this planet by taking yourself out.

Janeway said...

Some of his friends are still here.

ez cheese said...

You can bet I won't. This is simply a word for word copying down of a journal from six years ago.

And the ones that matter are still here.