On Salesmen and Bullshit Artists

Let’s talk about salesmen for a minute shall we? I have been a salesman for about a year now but I have been a bullshit artist my whole life (or at least prior to writing this nonsense). I hate sales as much as I love it, 90% of the time it is miserable and I want to tell the rude traffic managers (the assholes I solicit) to take their shitty attitudes and shove it. The other 10% of the time puts you on top of the world. Landing an account and having your grumpy ass boss tell you “good job,” (even though he is grumbling) is a great feeling. Ok I’m getting off track, believe me there is a point here.

Now any good salesman knows that you are not selling your product, you are selling yourself. Now you can do this a number of different ways, some salesman lie, some try to flirt, some try to be suave and some just plain don’t get it. My approach is no bullshit. Now, my angle only works with certain people, but they are the ones that I’m targeting. They are the ones who have been dicked around by countless other trucking companies and are fed up with empty promises and bullshit excuses. They ask me every time, “Why are your rates so much higher?” “My rates are high because I quote a price which I know will enable me to do what I say…I don’t bullshit.” Now their ears are perking up, “Why did this guy just use that word and why is he not talking circles around me?” The answer is because I come in with the truth and I talk straight, my rates might be hard to swallow and they certainly aren’t what they want to hear, but in the end they get what they needed. They need to swallow a little pain in order to make things better in the long run.

Wanna know the best salesmen in the world?

Politicians.

I fucking despise politicians; they are the absolute wrong kind of salesmen. They play by the “tell me what I want to hear” philosophy which is the ultimate worst way to sell, it works in the beginning but when your shit starts crumbling they see right through you. Yes I understand it is the only way to win an election and yes I know at this point 95% of you are skimming this post…fuckers. I, however, think that both of these idiots running for president are full of SHIT. I don’t care what any of you have to say about “The Straight Talk Express” or the fucking “Time for a Change” bullshit…open your goddamn eyes. Open your eyes and see you are being sold. The problem you have to realize is that you are being sold the PERSON and not the PRODUCT. Think about the product these two are passing off on you, what do you really know about it? You know what they want you to know…bullshit.

So when I see these dumb fuckers on the TV talking about how many houses one owns or where the other launched his political career all I can think is…fuck the both of them and fuck the parties they represent. Stop talking about this “Swiftboat Veteran’s” bullshit and talk about the actual product you are selling. Tell me the things I don’t want to hear but know are for the best. Make me want to vote for you…

…so far you haven’t been very convincing.

Besides, if I don’t vote, P. Diddy will kill me. SO GIVE ME A FUCKING REASON TO…ok?

Thanks,

Cheese