Let’s talk about motivation, or rather, the lack thereof. When there is no reward for overachieving, there is no desire to achieve, period. It makes work intolerable and everlasting. Hours seem like days. Time passes so slowly, the clock torments me.
When you work a job which is less than intellectually challenging, your greatest challenge becomes how to make yourself look busy while still fighting off boredom. It was a shock going from the rigor of writing a college thesis paper to the monotony of an 8-5 day. Let me tell you, it just makes you want to jump off of a bridge. People say that it is just part of growing up. Who ever said that growing up had to be boring? I am not willing to except that, at least not yet.
It has always been this way for me, underachieving and such, because I never can find a challenge in work or school for that matter. I had a miserable GPA coming out of high school but had ridiculously high entrance exam scores. I remember sitting in a college interview at the school where I ended up graduating from and having the admissions person ask me why there was such a difference. I told him that I simply did enough to get by because I did not find school there interesting enough. I told him I needed a challenge.
During four years of college I spent two completely smacked off my ass every night and the other two working my ass off every night. Toward the end, I significantly improved my academic work ethic and was feeling good for myself. Then I graduated. I had spent my entire senior year writing a thesis and not looking for a job, and when I saw all my friends start to go to work I knew I was in trouble.
When I did find work, unfortunately, it was meaningless. In this business the only time you are challenged is when shit hits the fan, which is also when the stress takes over. I became quickly reliant on things outside of work to relieve not only the boredom of work, but also the built up stress. I got high, got drunk, cheated constantly and underperformed consistently at work. Needless to say, it gets boring. I need to think and show people what I can do. The problem is, however, that no one in my working world cares.
So, when I get home tonight and crack open the new book I bought called “LSAT Prep,” I know I am trying to challenge myself. I know that if I only try I will be able to amaze people. Perhaps none more important than myself.