Monday, October 13, 2008

The Trip

Where do I begin?

So much to think about. So many things happened this weekend, it will take me weeks to process it all; lord knows it will take a long time to write about. I could talk about how we fucked or about how we made love. I could talk about how big of a bitch she was or how completely sweet she was. I could talk about all the fun that we had or I could talk about how I embarrassed myself. There is so much on my mind.

Where do I begin?

I didn’t order a drink when I got to the bar at JFK last night. I wanted one, but I didn’t. She saw something in me, this weekend, that I did not see myself. She saw the good in me, the things that I have been trying to hide from myself so that I wouldn’t have to try. She saw a boy on the brink of becoming a man and gave me the shove that I needed.

“Lay off the drinking.”

“Go back to school.”

“You are too smart to be doing this.”

“You deserve better.”

I heard the things that I have been trying to tell myself for the past year, things I did not want to hear. It took her saying them one time for my eyes to be opened.

When I looked in her eyes I saw myself reflected in a light that I have never seen before. I don’t quite understand how this happened, but I couldn’t be happier about matter what it means. In her arms yesterday evening and I felt, however foolishly, at home.

I don’t quite know what to say right now, I have so many thoughts flying around in my mind. Lying on my couch last night with my heart racing and my mind running circles around the whole weekend, I knew that making that trip was right.

I guess that I can only say thank you. Thank you for taking a chance on me and seeing something in me that I didn’t know existed.
Thank you for waking me up.

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