It goes without saying that certain aspects of a long distance relationship can drive you mad. It isn’t just the distance, but the impersonality of a phone, email or text message conversation. They betray sarcasm and wit, often causing confusing situations which require an obscene amount of time to clear up. I can only properly express myself with the aid hand gestures and my countless facial expressions; which electronic communication fucks me out of. I can actually feel my persona slipping away from me on the phone. I am reduced to a mere voice.
That being said, I still enjoy the conversations immensely and it doesn’t bother me to the point of not wanting them. There is one thing, however, that I can’t get over.
Silence…or the lack thereof.
On the phone one feels the need to fill every blank space with words, however meaningless they may be. There sometimes emerges a need for silent moments, which are simply not possible on the phone. The moments of nothing on the phone always seem so awkward and unnatural, yet in person they are everything. A look or a gesture can cover things that a million words could never express.
I remember how odd it was to hear her over the phone for the first time upon returning, so mechanical and lifeless. I was exhausted and lying on my couch about to (attempt to) fall asleep. We had nothing to talk about, yet I jabbered on and on.
All I wanted was the silence.