Wednesday, November 26, 2008

48 Hours

Not nervous. Not worried. Not biting my nails, smoking constantly or losing sleep. Not jittery, twitching or twiddling my thumbs.

I’m just not thinking about it.

I have worked so many hours in the past 5 days that I have gotten sick from exhaustion. I am stressed, tired and my brain is only half on. On the bright side, the past few days of the countdown went by relatively quickly. Quite frankly, I haven’t had time to put myself through the stomach churning worry I did last time. The whole thing about having to work on Friday is up in the air for about another half hour, but surprisingly it has not really bothered me this whole time. For once, I am just going with it.

It has me dumbfounded because this time there is much more on the line than last. Things have been said, fears have been expressed and desires have been shared like they weren’t last time around, but that’s ok. This whole intensely fucked up situation the two of us are in has really given me insight into to how to deal with worry.

Don’t fucking worry about it.

All I will end up doing is tearing my hair out and driving her insane. There is nothing I can do now that will change what happens this weekend, so why bother.

Just relax and let it happen.

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