Monday, January 12, 2009


When you spin your wheels in a pile of snow it only grows harder to get out of the rut you’ve created. You keep your foot on the gas hoping for something to catch and send you shooting forward, but your efforts are in vain. The trouble is that in this day and age we want everything to happen overnight. We are so hard up on instant access and on demand in our culture that our patience is shot. We want immediate gratification, nothing less will do.

It’s all about results no one wants to wait.

So here I am, my car spun out in the snow and I keep mashing the fucking accelerator expecting something to happen. But time keeps passing and nothing changes, sooner or later I’m going to have to get out and walk. It is a simple decision, to stand and walk, but I need a kick in the ass to get me going, unfortunately…I’m here all alone.

There is still heat here and it feels safe but eventually I will freeze and this will be my grave. I know I have to go, I have to leave, but it seems safe here and the world out there is so frightening. What I need is a catalyst, something to get me moving, an event or a thought. Something to get me out of here.

Sure the progress will be slow and the wind cold but moving forward is the only way to save myself. I have to get my boots into the snow and I have to make it through this whiteout. I might fall and I might not be able to pick myself up, but that seems better than dying here in my car, watching the gas gauge slowly drop. I have to go, it is the only way…even if my motivations for leaving change with time.

I have to go because I mean it when I say that if I stay here…I will die.

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