Thursday, January 08, 2009

Down the Shitter: Plumber v. Gaza

So I’m reading CNN this morning when I come across another article about the loveable, semi-retarded Joe the Plumber. Now here I thought, with only 12 days until inauguration, that I had heard the last of this Ohio celebrity. But no, as if to prove to me the world is indeed populated by morons, the conservative news outlet Pajamas Media is sending national hero Joe the Plumber to cover none other than the Gaza crisis.

I don’t even really know what to say about this, I really don’t, but seriously….SERIOUSLY…are we really going to be trusting Joe the Plumber to deliver unbiased quality coverage from Israel?

Oh America, you never cease to amaze me.

In any case, Joe’s ten day journalistic visit will more than likely resemble a ten day vacation and most of us plainly understand this, especially with Israeli government being “very excited” for his arrival. Tell me the last time a government carpet bombing the shit out of people was “very excited” to see a reporter there to cover it. Obviously they think that he will be some sort of David Frost to their Richard Nixon, although I doubt Joe the Plumber is going to shake them up with tough questions. But still, the thought that someone, somewhere in this country will watch Joe report on the perils of living in Israel while they are bombing fucking schools a few miles away makes me want to drink bourbon. Even worse is the thought that said person is going to take Mr. Plumber’s word for fact.

Americans already hold some fucked up cockamamie ideas about Israel, I guess I’m worried that ol Plumber is going to fuck them up even more. People seem to think that Israel is fighting this war because they are on the brink of destruction, well that just isn’t true. I tell you, I would much rather take my chances being shot at with unguided Kassam rockets than I would with lazer guided bombs from a fucking plane.

What’s Joe the Plumber’s take on the “dangerous” situation in Israel these days?

“Being a Christian I'm pretty well protected by God I believe. That's not saying he's going to stop a mortar for me, but you gotta take the chance,” said Plumber.

Hmm, that worry is clearly keeping him up at night. Well I’m sure his colleagues on the other side of the border are thinking something quite different. Maybe something along the lines of, “I hope my God is real…because we don’t have a fucking prayer.”

So yeah, I’m looking forward to Joe the Plumber’s “fresh” perspective.

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