Before this little thing I have going here I had never been in a long distance relationship, yet I still had a very serious piece of advice for people on the brink of getting involved in one:
Don’t fucking do it.
Now that I have been in one for a little over 6 months I have formulated some new and improved advice:
Don’t fucking do it.
The simple fact of the matter is that any (normal) person is going to drive themselves crazy, and if you’re like Pitseleh and I (abnormal), you are going to drive yourself FUCKING crazy. The stress and strain of making something like this work is literally unbearable at times. Inevitably there are going to be arguments and times when both parties don’t see eye to eye. Now in any normal relationship, at least my old ones, solving these problems revolved around getting together and arguing until we end up fucking each other senseless and forgetting what we were arguing about in the first place.
But that isn’t the case with long distance, now is it?
The arguments or misunderstandings over the phone or on Gmail cause much more grief than the “in person” variety. There is no make up sex, there is no holding each other and there is no solace in falling asleep in each others’ arms. There is also no visual and no seeing in the other’s face what they are thinking but too afraid to say. Most of the time they end in one of the two comforting the other as they fall asleep, reminding them that the love is still there…that they feel the same.
Reminding each other, and sometimes yourself, is the hardest part of it all. For some reason we seem to forget the things the other has said, the things they mean with all their hearts, the things you saw in their eyes. Paranoia grows and you wonder if maybe…just maybe…they have changed their mind. You might think that you are going crazy and the simple truth is that you are. Going to sleep alone, unsatisfying phone calls and boring nights spend drinking with Netflix are slowly driving you batty. It’s to be expected.
Take it easy though, ok? Don’t give up now; if you do you will have thrown away everything you have worked so diligently to build. The mountain you’re standing in front of is by no means insurmountable. If you think about everything that needs to be done all at once it is gonna seem pretty daunting, like climbing fucking Everest daunting. So just stop and take a deep breath. Realize that moving incrementally is the only way you are going to get to where you want to be. Be somewhat patient with each other and remember that nothing has changed since the last time you saw each other, except that your feelings are stronger.
It isn’t your fault and it isn’t their’s either, it’s just the circumstances. There are a thousand things that would make it easier on you, but not one of them is going to happen and this is only going to get harder. So be patient, be strong and please…please don’t you give up. If each of you puts in your fair share of the work, things will work out.
So do work, son, do work.