ok. to be perfectly honest with you i have no idea why i am writing this. to be perfectly honest i thought personally that blogging was gay. ignorant fuck, i suppose, and hypocritical as well. in any case, if there is anyone who ever does to decide to read these mispelled, mispunctuated, uncapitalized ramblings, i would imagine that they would realize that within the first five minutes. i am maybe slightly witty and clever, but im sure not enough so to garner the endless postings and repostings of some of my more esteemed colleuges on this site, but if you are reading this, i must indeed extend my thanks.
the real reasoning for this was a product of yesterdays unproductive internet perusings which i so frequently find my self engaging in while on the clock at the trucking company where i work. there i sit, constantly looking over my shoulder to make sure im not busted by the boss, and even more constantly trying, 9 times outta 10 unsuccessfully, to avoid undertaking a quick google image search for porn. yesterday, however, i actually found something worth reading, on this very site actually, detailing a young woman's experiences with...well never mind that now it doesnt matter. i got paid to read her blog for the entire afternoon and left feeling so much different than ever, sad. who in their right fucking mind is batty enough to be sad when leaving work, me i guess, but her writing did something to me. begged me to look into my own past and think about the fucked up, funny or ackward things i have been through, post them, and see if anyone is interested.
by nature i am a liar. not a particularly good one either. this, however, never seems to stop me from coming up with the most amazing fish tales full of bullshit beyond belief. but in undertaking on this privacy breeching venture, i have decided to spill not one false word on to your computer screen. in all honesty (ass) i think you should find yourself priveleged that you are the only person i know who i am completely honest with. not my girlfriend, my parents, friends...most importantly not myself.
the thing about being a liar is that after you spend so much time coming up with stupid useless ass lies, you start to believe them. most of them start while im smoking pot in my car on the freeway going home and i think something along the lines of "holy shit! wouldn't people really think i was nifty if i told them i..." fill in the blanks with your own imagination. what did you think about? is it totally ridiculous? well, i probably said it then. sometimes i even forget which stories are true and which arent or which details have been exaggerated and which have not. this is especially embarrassing when being called out by girlfriend or parent...even more so when there is a nice crowd in attendance to see my face turn red and my brain running in circles to defend myself....which is never...ever...possible.
in any case i promise to be honest with you (promises mean a whole fucking lot coming from someone who just admitted to being a liar, but whatever). i really truly do hope someone reads this, but if it turns out my labors are inevitably fruitless, i am in the end doing myself a service. finally being honest within my own mind. in which case i stumble upon the question of whether writing this makes me more or less sane? maybe neither...maybe just a bigger loser